Putting the Past Behind You
by sassie69
Summary: Warning slash and sexual violence. Very dark tale not for the faint hearted.


Rating: Mature/Adult

Pairing: Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn

Warning: SLASH, and references to male rape. Dark & violent story.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, but would like them to be!

Spoilers: None

Time frame: Set during the early days of the Bartlet campaign, Donna hasn't joined yet. First fanfic attempt so please be nice!

CJ, Josh and Toby were sat in the lobby area of the campaign office, dressed in casual clothes. The door opened and in walked a noticeably good looking, tall and very muscular guy. CJ sees him first as she is the only one facing the door. She smiles and says "Hi."

"Hi" he replies. "I am looking for Josh Lyman. I was told he's working here."

CJ looks at Josh who appears to have sunk right down in his chair. He doesn't make eye contact.

"Josh aren't you going to introduce us to this Adonis?" CJ asks her very red faced colleague. Josh stands to face the man.

"This is Peter my ex", mumbles Josh barely audibly. A look passes between them that CJ can't quite fathom.

"So Josh, who are these fine people?" Peter asks with a grin

Josh clumsily makes introductions as CJ invites Peter to sit. Josh being gay is not a secret, but CJ has never seen him with anyone and is curious. She also hopes that she can get some juicy gossip to use to embarrass Josh in the future.

Peter declines the offer and instead says to Josh, "You left in such a hurry I didn't have a chance to give you your going away present." He moves closer to Josh, who seems frozen to the spot, "I have it in my hotel room. Come with me so you can get it."

Josh looks at CJ and Toby. "We have work to do, sorry I can't."

CJ not wanting Josh to miss out on some fun and almost definite sex says, "No it's alright Josh we're finished for the night. You go have some fun."

Josh looks at Toby who has just been sitting observing the exchange, "We need to get the Hanson thing done for tomorrow, don't we?"

Toby looks slightly surprised. "Josh you know we finished that earlier. Sam took it to Leo and the Governor for a final look over. You must need a break you're forgetting things, Go with your friend an relax."

"See Josh everyone wants you to come with me. So guess that's settled then," comments Peter as he takes Josh by the arm and steers him towards the door. He turns to the others, grinning, "Don't worry I won't keep him out too late!" He manoeuvres Josh out the door into the street.

"He's gorgeous. I bet Josh is in for the night of his life," sniggers CJ.

"He didn't seem to keen on going, did he?" "Do you think he was just embarrassed?" asks Toby.

"Maybe" CJ mused. Their thoughts stay on Josh for a while then they decide it's time to get back to the hotel and get dinner.

Meanwhile…

Around the corner from the campaign office in the alley Josh is being pressed up against the wall by Peter. Peter is kissing Josh hard on the mouth and groping even harder down his jeans, holding him aggressively against the wall with his body. Josh is still and not reciprocating. He can smell the whiskey on Peter's breath.

"Come on baby don't you miss this?" Peter snarls as he pulls his mouth away.

"Just let me go. I don't want this," Josh states making eye contact for the first time.

"I told you if you ever left me I would hunt you down and hurt you real bad. Do you remember?" Peter asks quietly.

"Yes" Josh whispers.

"I suppose you're still mooning over _Sam_. I notice he's here. He left you. He broke your heart. I was there for you and this is how you repay me!" Peter punched Josh in the stomach twice before Josh had a chance to realise what was happening. Josh slid to the ground trying to catch his breath.

Just then a van pulled up to the entrance of the alley, the side door sliding open. A man jumped out.

"Ride's here get up Josh" Peter said dragging Josh up by his hair.

"Get off me!" Josh shouts, struggling to get free.

"Need a hand here?" the man asks of Peter.

"Yes. He never used to struggle this much!" laughs Peter.

The man grabs Josh's hands and puts them behind his back, restraining them with a cable tie. Whilst Peter clamps a hand over Josh's mouth. They carry the struggling Josh to the van and throw him inside. Getting in after him, they close the door and the driver pulls away in to the street.

At the hotel….

CJ and Toby are having dinner when Sam and Leo join them at the table.

"Where's Josh?", Sam asks.

"Probably having hot sex!" exclaims CJ, winking at Toby who looks a bit uncomfortable as does Leo.

"What do you mean CJ?" Sam asks, wondering where the joke is.

"Well, a friend, sorry ex-boyfriend, of his turned up at the office, after we had gone back there to get the thing. He took Josh off to give him his 'going away present'. So I don't think we will be seeing him till _much _later," now winking at Sam.

Sam stared at her, and asked slowly, "What's his name?"

"Peter, why? Jealous?" It was known amongst them that Sam and Josh had once lived together. No one knew the details of the break up, and most assumed it was down to Josh being an ass.

Sam gasped, "Where did they go?"

"We don't know Sam they didn't say. What's wrong?" Toby sensing Sam's concern now realised there might be a problem.

Sam ignoring the question takes out his cell phone and tries calling Josh, "Damn voicemail!"

The other three look at each other and Sam wondering what is going on.

"Sam Josh is a consenting adult. It was his choice to go," CJ explained.

"Actually CJ he did seem reluctant to go and he did make excuses which we didn't back him up on." Toby reminded her. CJ just rolls her eyes at him

All this time Sam has been trying to speak to Josh on the phone and settles for leaving him a message to call him as soon as he gets it.

"Sam, are you going to tell us what the problem is? You're worrying the hell out of me" enquires an exasperated Leo.

"It's all my fault. Josh and I lived together for 2 years. I left him. I didn't just break his heart I tore it to pieces and jumped all over it. Josh is comfortable with his sexuality. His family accept him and apart from being incredibly insecure in other ways he's fairly together about being gay, I, on the other hand, have not always accepted it. My mother thinks it's perverted. I never told her about Josh. I got an offer to work in New York and I left him so I could play at being straight and be accepted. Just because I couldn't come out to my family, I destroyed him and what we had." Sam was almost crying.

The others exchanged shocked looks.

"Peter had always had a thing about Josh. He would corner him at parties and try to touch him. He was a sleaze. When I left Josh was really vulnerable and up steps Peter with his shoulder to cry on. What no one knew at the time was that Peter had a problem with alcohol. He was and probably still is a mean drunk. He started to hit Josh early in the relationship. Josh was so devastated by what I did to him that he never questioned the abuse. He seemed think he deserved it." Tears were streaming down Sam's cheeks as he spoke.

"Of course I only knew about it from mutual friends who themselves only suspected. Josh would favour a side or wear sunglasses more often. He would make up stories about being clumsy. I used to call him. At first he wouldn't speak to me. Then eventually we started talking a little. He never told me though, until I saw bruises on him."

"When was that?" Leo asked breaking the stunned silence.

"After he heard Jed Bartlet speak he came to New York to get me, like I wanted him to if he found the real thing. He got soaked that day, and he came back to my place to dry off and borrowed some of my clothes. When he was getting changed I walked into the bedroom. That's when I saw the bruises and the cigarette burns. He told me some of what had been happening."

"Oh my god, so do you think Peter's present is a beating?" CJ voiced what every one was now thinking.

"Josh left him, he's pissed. Yes I think Josh is really in danger." We have to find him." Sam stated more calmly than he felt.

For the next hour they all made frantic phone calls to every hotel they could find a number for asking if a Peter Clarke was staying there. They drew a blank. Leo called in favours at the police department and they even convinced the Governor's agents to use their contacts – nothing. Then they saw the CCTV footage from the hotel's cameras. They watched in horror as they saw Josh restrained and thrown in to a van. The fact that there were obviously two other men with Peter made Sam even more frantic. They now had a lead and the van was being searched for but Sam couldn't settle and kept calling Josh's cell phone. Thinking to himself I may have lost my last chance. I'm ready now Josh if you'll have me. I never stopped loving you. Please be ok.

In the van…..

The driver drove in to the forest and pulled the van off the road as far as he could. Cutting the engine he turned to the others and smiled. "Hey Pete he's a cute thing, can't wait to try him out."

"We better hurry up then, "Peter smirked down at Josh, "You are going to get your present very soon honey." The kick he gave Josh was anything but sweet.

Josh grunted in pain and fear showed in his eyes. "Just let me go Peter please, before this goes too far. You can just go and we won't say another word about it."

"YOU LEFT ME! YOU LITTLE SHIT! I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU PAY!" Peter roared right in Josh's face, spitting as he did so. Josh recoiled as much as he could from his position on the floor. He knew Peter was out of control and he had never seen him quite as volatile as this. He just hoped his two companions would eventually see sense or Josh felt he might not live to see tomorrow. He decided it would be better to keep quiet and not antagonise Peter.

The side door was opened and Josh was unceremoniously dragged out by the driver and dumped on the cold damp ground. His cell phone had been vibrating in his pocket, Peter threw it out into the forest.

Peter knelt down next to Josh putting his face so close that Josh could feel his breath on his face, "Hello baby. I'm gonna fuck your sweet ass into the ground so hard you'll scream, and not in nice way. Then when you've stopped screaming I'm gonna make you wish I'd killed you instead." Josh stared at Peter and shivered, his eyes showing naked terror at what awaited him.

Before he could think Josh was dragged further in to the forest. Once they were satisfied they couldn't be seen from the road the men roughly pulled Josh's jeans and shorts down to his ankles. He kicked out at them but the driver held his ankles fast.

While the other men held Josh, Peter brutally entered him. Josh couldn't help but cry out in pain. Peter did not let up, pounding into Josh time and time again. Josh felt tears sting his eyes as his face rubbed the forest floor. When he finished Peter pulled Josh's head up by the hair and laughed in his face. The other men took their turn and Josh tried to blank out what was happening to him. He was vaguely conscious of being irrationally pleased they all used condoms.

Peter wasn't finished with Josh yet though. They turned Josh on to his back and held him down again so Peter could carry out his twisted revenge. Peter lit a cigarette, Josh tensed knowing what was coming. Still he cried out with the reality of the pain on his inner thigh where it burned. As a parting 'gift' Josh heard himself screaming as Peter had predicted. Peter slammed his fist into Josh's groin four or five times. Josh didn't count as he gratefully accepted the blackness that engulfed him after the third unbearable assault.

At the hotel……

The van had been seen on various cameras along the main road; however it had turned off and disappeared from sight. Several agencies were now searching for Josh at the request of Governor Bartlet. Sam kept calling Josh's cell not knowing what else to do, in between bouts of crying and shouting. CJ, Leo and Toby tried to help reassure him but they were unconvincing fearing the worst themselves. Sam turned on Toby and CJ at one point screaming accusations about them letting Josh go when he obviously was trying to find excuses not to. They bit their tongues so as not to escalate the situation but also because there was some truth in what Sam said and they felt guilty. Five hours after Josh left the campaign office with Peter the van was found abandoned. The search was now concentrated in that area.

Not being allowed to join them, Sam kept calling Josh's cell, and paced as if he had been taken over by Josh himself.

In the forest….

Josh came to engulfed in pain which radiated mainly from his groin. He groaned and brought his knees up. He realised that he was alone and his hands were no longer restrained. He rolled on his side and adopted a foetal position and continued groaning. His Harvard education and brilliant strategic mind were no match for the abuse he had endured, so he worked on instinct alone. Eventually it permeated his brain that he was in fact semi-naked in a forest at night. He was cold, scared and in considerable pain. He tried to pull up his shorts, succeeding on the fifth attempt. Lucky they were a loose fit. He couldn't contemplate pulling up the jeans let alone doing them up around his very painful scrotum, ass and thighs. He toed his shoes off and managed to wriggle out of the jeans. Using a tree for support he stood as much as he was able. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a flashing light in the distance on the ground. He stumbled towards it, eventually crawling along the ground grazing his legs and knees. The flashing stopped, so did Josh. It started again after a few minutes. Josh carried on using the light like a beacon guiding him. As he got nearer he could hear the buzzing sound emanating from the flashing light. He reached out and opened his cell phone to hear the most beautiful sound in the entire universe, Sam's voice calling his name.

In the hotel / forest….

"Josh, Josh is that you?" Sam croaked astonished into the phone. Everyone around him froze to listen.

"Yeah" Josh whispered, "I need help. I'm in a forest, I don't know where though."

Sam put Josh on speaker so the right people could be working out where Josh was

"It's ok baby, we're going to find you and get you back safe." Sam tried to hold his voice together as him breaking down was the last thing Josh needed.

"OK." Josh was shivering with the cold and starting to feel very weak with shock.

"Josh, talk to me. Stay with me. Are you hurt?" Every one looked at the phoned waiting for Josh to answer.

"Josh?"

"Huh?"

"Josh are you hurt?" Concerned looks were exchanged between Sam and Leo.

"A little. I'm cold. I wanna sleep" Josh slurred his words.

"Josh stay with us!" Leo ordered.

"Yes sir." Josh struggled to stay alert. Then he saw several lights coming towards him and heard welcome voices.

In the hospital….

CJ, Toby, Leo, Sam & Jed Bartlet sit in the waiting room. Abbey is outside talking to the doctors. Sam doesn't take his eyes of the scene. Abbey comes into the room and beckons to Sam. You can go and sit with him now, he's been given strong pain meds so he is in and out of sleep.

"Did he say what Peter did to him?" Sam asked

"Josh hasn't said anything yet, but we do know that he was raped by more than once, burned by a cigarette, kicked several times in the ribs, and we assume punched repeatedly in the groin. He'll be ok. It will take time to heal physically, however he is going to need more than time to heal any psychological wounds. He's going to need love, patience and some one to talk it through with."

Sam looked at Josh sleeping on the bed. He bent down and kissed Josh's lips, eyes and forehead. He sat next to him and held his hand.

"I'll be here for you. I love you. I'm sorry I hurt you so badly. I wonder if you can ever forgive me for being so stupid. I hope so", Sam whispered.

When Josh awoke Sam's head was resting on the bed, Josh stroked Sam's hair and sighed. He couldn't think about what had happened, all he could think of was Sam. He knew he would have to face up to the events of last night and not escape into Sam, but for another day.

Six months later……

Sam and Josh sat together on Josh's couch eating pizza, drinking beer and watching the mets. Josh called the umpire names as he disagreed with his decisions. His face alive with passion. Sam didn't watch the game he watched Josh. Josh suddenly realised he was the subject of Sam's scrutiny. "What?"

"I was wondering how you are" Sam explained.

"I'm fine" Josh shrugged.

"Really?" Sam wasn't so sure.

"I still get the odd nightmare, I'm sometimes afraid to be alone, but I'm fully fit physically and the rest will come. The therapist helps, you help. Although if I'm being honest I do wonder if you're here because of what happened. I don't want you too be here because you feel sorry for me." Josh looked down as he spoke.

"I love you Josh. I have always loved you. I was very confused before. My family saying what I was was wrong. I have told them now that I am gay and I am with you. If I have to lose them because of their prejudice then ok, but I can't lose you again, I won't' leave you again I promise." Sam had tears in his eyes as he spoke and he lifted Josh's head up gently by the chin to look into those wondrous brown eyes.

Josh leaned in and kissed Sam sweetly on the lips. Then he returned for a deeper, hungrier kiss, opening Sam's mouth with his tongue. Josh pushed Sam back on the couch and lay on top of him kissing his neck, biting his earlobe. Sam's groans became louder as Josh slipped his hand inside Sam's sweat pants and shorts. Sam pulled Josh's head up to face him, "Are you sure you are ready for this?"

"I think so. I want to _be_ with you" Josh's voice was urgent and needy.

"Stop at any point if you want, ok babe?" Sam cautioned.

"OK" Josh mumbled into Sam's neck.

Josh took off Sam's T-shirt and kissed his way down his amazing body. Sam jumped as Josh playfully bit his nipples. He drew his tongue across Sam's stomach and licked and kissed his inner thighs. Sam gasped as Josh took him in his mouth. Teasing his head with his tongue as his lips made contact with the base. Josh twisted his mouth eliciting animal sounds from Sam who could not keep still. Pushing Josh's head down and bucking his hips up. Josh sped up going up and down on Sam's hard cock whilst twisting his mouth around it and occasionally scraping with his teeth. Tasting Sam's pre-cum Josh slowed down and reached for the lube. Slicking up his fingers he started to stretch Sam. Sam was calling out Josh's name and writhing on the couch beneath. Josh undressed enough to release his throbbing dick from his pants and shorts and applied the lube, ensuring Sam could see him slicking it up and down.

"Fuck me please babe" Sam gasped.

Josh smiled, kissed him and after placing an appropriate pillow pulled Sam towards him with his legs over Josh's shoulders. Josh entered Sam gently and then thrust by thrust increased speed, hitting Sam's prostate and making him cry out in incoherent pleasure. Josh thrusts were hard and fast now, neither man made any sense but both continued to mutter. They both came with the call of each others names. Josh collapsed on to Sam and Sam cradled his head. Stroking his hair, soothing as he realised Josh was quietly crying.

"What's wrong Josh?"

"I couldn't take my clothes of in front of you. I'm sorry. I feel so scarred and ugly."

"You are a gorgeous man. I love you. When you are ready you'll let me see you. After all you have been through you have been amazingly strong. You are still putting the past behind you Josh it takes time. I'll always be here for you. I love you." After a while Josh's breathing evened out and Sam understood he was sleeping and that now he felt safe."

The End


End file.
